it’s when we break a little, we come alivedanielle doby
If I thought the last few weeks had been hard; they have nothing on this week. John doe 2 reappeared out of the blue and through me for a loop. And at first I thought to myself that this is what I wanted, this is what I have been hoping for since he disappeared but in all honesty his reappearance made me feel worse. This post is not going to be about john doe 2. I feel like I can finally breathe knowing that he is okay, however, I know that moving forward it’s best that he is not actively in my life. He can’t show up the way I need him too.
This blog post is instead about feeling. I did not want to think about my emotions at all this week. I did not want to think about breaking down in the middle of my work or with my friends, but I found myself crying over things that I had no idea would trigger me. The reason I was upset and the reasons I let my emotions get to me, was because I was denying them. I didn’t want to let my heart break again. But it did and it is and that’s okay. If this experience taught me something it is that my emotions are valid, what I am feeling is valid and it’s okay to feel them.
I believe that we are afraid to feel. Some people are afraid to feel their emotions, the sensations. We do everything in our power to avoid and distract ourselves. Anything. Isn’t that all addictions are? A temporary distraction from the reality of our feelings, the sensation in our bodies. I know first hand that when I get anxious and I start to overthink, I feel my stomach start to ache, and my head starts to hurt. I will do anything to not feel that way.
However, I am learning to let myself feel what I feel and knowing that feeling it is the only way to get unstuck & in the momentum of moving again. Emotions are energy in motion and all that’s needed from you is to let them move and be, without stopping the divine flow of them.
Sad? Be sad.
Angry? Be angry
Lost? Be lost
Happy? Be happy
Our emotions are valid. We do not need to talk ourselves out of them. We all have them, all the time. It’s when we start to deny the full spectrum of emotions that they end up having control over you and how you behave. Which believe me, I know all to well about that. I used to think that if I just repress and stuff them down, they would go away, but it ended up making things worse. The more emotions you let yourself have and the more expressed you let yourself be, the less power your emotions have over you and the more free and light you become. It’s a great paradox.
My advice is this:
If you want to feel alive and free; let your heart feel, let it speak. Say how you feel. Express yourself. Talk, write, sing. Be in a friendly ongoing conversation with your feelings. Get curious.
Let yourself breakdown. It’s when we breakdown that we break through. Don’t fight it. Don’t be afraid. Surrender to the changing tide of your emotions, knowing we all have them and it’s totally normal. It’s okay to be human. It’s okay to let others see your vulnerable and fragile parts.
You are still strong.
You are still worthy.
Until next time;
Title inspo: Breathe by Taylor Swift