People are just as wonderful as sunsets if you let them be. When I look at a sunset I don’t find myself saying, “soften the orange a bit on the right hand corner.” I don’t try to control a sunset. I watch with awe as it unfolds.Carl R. Rogers
I try my best to describe people as “where they are” versus “who they are”. When we label someone’s limits and struggles as their identity, chances are this mirrors how we identify with our own. And the thing is- we are not our limits, we are not our wounds, we are not our dysfunction.
Where we are indicates how far we have come to understand and meet our limits, our wounds, and our dysfunction. It is much more indicative to describing us as the imperfect, wounded humans we are. It also allows a greater flow of compassion and empathy. Why does this make our lens clearer? When we see someone as for where they are, we don’t get caught up in their wounds overriding our boundaries and needs. We understand they may have gone through hard things, but where they are is still important. Because it will always extend over to where they are with us. And then it’s our job to see where people are clearly. To not take it personally or let it reflect our worth. And to decide what this clarity truly means for us. This will create a clearer lens that leads to acceptance.
It takes conscious effort to switch your lens, especially when we have been conditioned to think this way for so long. I’m not saying that I am great at actively using this lens, but I can say when I apply it it has helped me let go of people and relationships that were no longer healthy for me.
Until next time,
Title inspo: Something like this by Chainsmokers