May you have the courage this week to begin breaking patterns in your life that no longer serve you. Give yourself permission to pause and reflect. And remember, taking care of yourself doesn’t mean “me first;” it means “me too”.Unknown
What would life be like if at every moment in time you got what you wanted? Whether it be the response from a cute boy, that new car, or even the job you just applied for. Life would be great right? I am guilty of wanting things (mostly) from other people that they are not able to give me in the moments when it’s convenient for myself. I’ll explain.
I am the type of person who expects people to always know what they are feeling and thinking at any given moment in time; because that is how I operate. There are few things in life that surprise me or “throw” me off track. However, I am also that person who usually has to quote, unquote backtrack, or explain in great detail what I meant in a conversation. This is the culture of urgency. I didn’t grow up in a world where people explained that it’s okay to not know. It’s okay to take space and time to think about what has happened.. And more importantly, it’s okay for others to take space and time, get back to you later, etc.
Urgency culture is a product of a collective that is stuck in a hyper-vigilant state. Many of us are in this hyper-vigilant state our entire lives. We’ve been conditioned to believe in scarcity + lack. We have “fomo” + say yes to everything. We overextend ourselves. We are available 24/7. Many of us feel guilt if we aren’t always “on”.
We pressure ourselves + each other to always have answer (guilty), to immediately know how we feel (guilty), to instantly respond (very guilty). It’s no surprise that we store trauma in our bodies: this is a state of chronic stress.
I notice this type of urgency in my romantic relationships. In the past, I expected people to respond immediately, I would say or do something that I figured others would know the answer too. But as I’ve grown up and I’ve started to shift my thinking and mindset, I realized how unfair that was to them and to me. It was unfair for me to hound someone over a question, making it all about me and not letting them have the time or space to process what they were feeling. And don’t get me wrong, I still catch myself doing it every now and then, but those are moments that I give myself grace, and I tell myself that I am human.
It’s not easy shifting my thinking from scarcity to abundance. To me, it’s very contradictory to what I believe but it’s good feeling when I put that abundance thinking into practice. Boundaries are the key. My boundaries and their boundaries. They helped me reclaim myself. They are an act of self-love that says: I’ll pause. I’ll give myself grace + time. I will respond in new ways that allow me space.
By placing boundaries, we become more conscious. We learn what serves us and what does not. We learn how we actually feel. We create space for ourselves and others, which actually creates deeper meaningful connections.
Readers, where do you notice urgency culture in your life?
Until next time,
Title inspo: Bad time by Sabrina Carpenter