One day, you’ll wake up and realize that you can have everything you want in life, if only you’re brave enough to ask for it, to go after it, and only if you’re brave enough to believe it.
I knew I was growing when I started practicing the pause. I knew I was getting better when I thought before I reacted on a feeling. In the past, I would act on my emotions. The second I felt the urge to do something I would act without thinking through the consequences or the current situation at hand. Acting on my first reaction meant that I was getting stuck in the feeling…
I am learning that how we relate to our emotions is a huge part of healing. It’s the difference between: “I am feeling anxious, how do I get rid of it?” To: “I am feeling anxious, I wonder what is happening to me?”.
The difference between: “I am feeling sad, how do I move on?” To: “I am feeling sad, how can I create space to grieve?”.
The difference between: “I am feeling blah, I want to feel happy” To: “I am feeling blah, I want to reconnect with myself”.
Many of us have been taught to handle emotions as issues to get rid of instead of tools to lean into. It has hijacked our ability to build tolerance and resilience to feeling. It has stifled our capacity to get to know ourselves more deeply. It has promoted self-abandonment and lack of self-trust.
When I was younger, the teachers in my life didn’t make it known that for the rest of my life (until my last breath) I will always be growing and learning and unlearning. It’s okay to mess up, it’s okay to have doubts and insecurities and fears of the unknown. That’s normal. It’s okay to get stuck from time to time. What is unhelpful is when we continue to go to what hurt us, when we continue to feed into the narratives that no longer serve us. It is unhelpful when we become complacent.
A lot of the lessons I have learned this year revolve around the concept of things beginning and ending with me. My mindset, my health, my routines, my emotions, and how I react to what is going on around me. The people who have come and gone in 2022 have taught me in a full circle way that I am in control. I am in control of what I allow to affect me, of how I show up for myself and others and how I let go of and set boundaries. As tough as it is to practice what I have learned I know that it is necessary. I can say that 80% of the time (nobody is perfect) that I pause before I react now. I ask myself “does this choice or decision bring me towards or away from my goals?”, “will this matter in 5 years?”, “what is going on internally?” if those answers don’t align with who I see myself to be, then it’s not worth the reaction or getting stuck.
The beauty in life is that we can always choose differently. We can redefine our relationships, our connections to ourselves and others at any time. Slowly we can learn to lean in, instead of avoiding. We can create a container for our emotions and feelings instead of exploding. We can learn about ourselves instead of getting lost in defeating narratives around who we are.
The work isn’t easy and honestly, it’s never done. But it’s worth the time and invest. In a world full of toxic positivity, be authentic chaos. Be bold and courageous with your life. At the end of the day, you are your biggest commitment.
Until next time,